{"id":661,"date":"2008-01-13T00:01:33","date_gmt":"2008-01-13T08:01:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/2008\/01\/13\/oldie-but-goodie\/"},"modified":"2008-01-12T17:57:17","modified_gmt":"2008-01-13T01:57:17","slug":"oldie-but-goodie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/2008\/01\/13\/oldie-but-goodie\/","title":{"rendered":"oldie but goodie"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m taking Sunday off, so here’s a post from the days of yore to entertain you:<\/em><\/p>\n

ORCHESTRAL ARCHETYPES<\/strong><\/p>\n

After you’ve been in an orchestra a certain amount of time, say *COUGH* years, you start comparing notes with colleagues in other orchestras, you begin to notice that orchestras are a collection of certain recurring characters, or to be Jungian about it, archetypal figures. I’ve been thinking about this for some time, now, and I will now present you with my (by no means exhaustive nor authoritative) list. Enjoy – and if you find yourself in this post, relax, you’re in good company.<\/p>\n

1. The Concerto (or Trained Monkey)<\/strong><\/p>\n

This character is almost always a violinist, and almost always a first violinist. She can be found backstage cycling through a collection of the world’s greatest violin concerti at almost every service, and at high volume. Rookies play the first eight bars of each piece, seasoned veterans, sixteen. There are variations of this type which include The Etude (Dont, Paganini, Rode).<\/p>\n

2. The Grumbler\/Curmudgeon<\/strong><\/p>\n

This type is often found near the watercooler, coffee shop, or player’s lounge. Invariably, they are complaining about something, no matter what the circumstances. Hand this person a $50 bill and they will complain that you didn’t give them smaller bills and that you might bump them up to the next tax bracket. Curiously, these are often some of the more animated music-makers when the stage lights go up.<\/p>\n

3. The Sage<\/strong><\/p>\n

Remember Cliff Claven from Cheers? He was the mailman who knew everything, or at least had an answer for everything. That’s this type. This person will often serve on many committees, and will know everything about the orchestra business, which is good. What is not so good is this person will also know about everything else that you talk to them about, and will go into elaborate detail about how much they know. Don’t talk to The Sage unless you have an entire break to kill!<\/p>\n

4. The Stoic<\/strong><\/p>\n

This person is little seen or heard around the orchestral workplace. They show up, play their part, and after concerts, they melt away into the darkness. If they come to an orchestra meeting, no one can remember seeing them there. People wonder if The Stoic speaks English, if she has a family, and what sort of car she drives. Also known as The Phantom.<\/p>\n

5. Big Bird<\/strong><\/p>\n

Every orchestra has one – usually a woman, often very tall and blonde — and LOUD. Every word that comes from Big Bird is an exclamation. People love Big Bird, of course, but why is she almost always a violinist or flautist? Usually seen with The Grumbler at break time.<\/p>\n

6. The Tinkerer<\/strong><\/p>\n

This person could be the player of any instrument in the orchestra, but is commonly found in the string section. They have an intimate knowledge of their instrument, and always have a sound post adjuster handy. They’d rather knock their post around for days at a time than spend $40 to have a good shop do it, and once the post is in the perfect location, there’s always the strings to replace with at least ten different varieties before settling on “the one”. They have Strad posters up on their walls like instrument porn, and their secret internet vice is Tarisio.com.<\/p>\n

7. The New Guy
\n<\/strong>
\nUsually found at rehearsals bleary-eyed from clubbing with the other new folks the night before. Unusually jumpy when you mention the word “probation” in their presence. They’ve learned every note to the piece whose folder you haven’t even thought of picking up from the orchestra library yet. They still smile when they come in to work.<\/p>\n

8. Teacher’s Pet
\n<\/strong>
\nWe all know this character. He laughs loudest and longest at the Music Director’s jokes, and in the case of a foreign-born MD, laughs a little at every comment just in case it might have been a joke. Asks clarifying questions after a 10 minute discourse by the MD. Gravitates towards the highest-ranking orchestral member in the room, preferably the concertmaster, but any principal will do. Universally loathed by everyone in the orchestra (but blissfully unaware).<\/p>\n

9. The Mogul<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Mogul is the person who has some other sort of income generating mechanism than the orchestra gig. They sell real estate or insurance, or are a slum lord, or own multiple businesses. They have an obscenely priced instrument and\/or car, and seem to be the happiest person in the orchestra. They also usually bring their own lunch to double rehearsal days.<\/p>\n

10. The Alien<\/strong><\/p>\n

This player seems to have been beamed down from the belly of a UFO. They can be seen during rehearsals staring off into space while their section plays on without them. They are often seen talking to themselves, and there is often a delay of between 3 and 7 seconds between any stimulus and the light going on in the attic. Some are known to make animal sounds, while others develop an unhealthy obsession with personal hygiene. Though the evidence is not yet all in, a link between a “good time in the 60’s” and The Alien is likely.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m taking Sunday off, so here’s a post from the days of yore to entertain you:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":303,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[115,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-661","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music","category-the-orchestra-world"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa8kC-aF","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":623,"url":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/2007\/12\/29\/bizarre-music-news-of-2007\/","url_meta":{"origin":661,"position":0},"title":"bizarre music news of 2007","author":"Charles Noble","date":"December 29, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"The Seattle Times' classical music critic Melinda Bargreen reports on the bizarre classical music news that occurred around the world in 2007. Unfortunately (and am I sensing a pattern here?) she neglected to mention a couple items from her own backyard: The Seattle Symphony is being sued by a member\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "the orchestra world"","block_context":{"text":"the orchestra world","link":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/category\/music\/the-orchestra-world\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3721,"url":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/2010\/01\/03\/pyp-musicians-blog\/","url_meta":{"origin":661,"position":1},"title":"pyp musicians’ blog","author":"Charles Noble","date":"January 3, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy New Year everyone!\u00a0 Now that the millennium is almost in its teen years, it's time to start looking to the future, and the future of music is nowhere more evident than in the ranks of our nation's youth orchestras.\u00a0 Right here in Portland we have the nation's oldest youth\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "portland"","block_context":{"text":"portland","link":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/category\/portland\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7085,"url":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/2011\/11\/27\/holiday-mix\/","url_meta":{"origin":661,"position":2},"title":"holiday mix","author":"Charles Noble","date":"November 27, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"It's Thanksgiving weekend, which for most orchestras and ballet companies marks the beginning of the onslaught of holiday programming. 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We head down to Salem\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "the orchestra world"","block_context":{"text":"the orchestra world","link":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/category\/music\/the-orchestra-world\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/iStock_000004826253XSmall.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":374,"url":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/2007\/06\/26\/adventurous-programming-and-why-you-should-care-about-it\/","url_meta":{"origin":661,"position":3},"title":"adventurous programming and why you should care about it","author":"Charles Noble","date":"June 26, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"The American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (ASCAP) has recently named those orchestras and organizations which were selected to be honored for \"Adventurous Programming\" during the 2006-2007 season. I also have a connection to a couple of those groups honored, which I'll talk about after the jump.Here are the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "the orchestra world"","block_context":{"text":"the orchestra world","link":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/category\/music\/the-orchestra-world\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":768,"url":"https:\/\/www.nobleviola.com\/wordpress\/2008\/02\/12\/other-thoughts-on-oso-08-09-season\/","url_meta":{"origin":661,"position":4},"title":"other thoughts on oso 08-09 season","author":"Charles Noble","date":"February 12, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"OSO violinist and Third Angle artistic director Ron Blessinger gives his thoughts on the 2008-2009 OSO season here. 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